when things become the things we don't want it to be...

"I can't promise you a perfect relationship without arguments and differences. However, i can promise you as long as you're trying, I'm staying...Please bear with me..."

when there is nothing much to say.....

Ok, i started my week with sleepy eyes. I feel very tired. Tidak tau pula apa yg buat aku penat ni. penat berfikir, penat kerja, penat itu, penat ini....I went to KL last week, just for a few days. Then, maybe off to Kuching in few weeks time. Well, I love being everywhere, nasib baik pasangan hidup aku saaaaanngggattt memahami. walaupun kadang-kadang, ada juga keluar ayat2 yg kurang menyenangkan, but, life is like that, I mean, aku terima semua kebaikan dan keburukan, sebab apa yg dia cakap pun berasas dan munasabah. So, aku terima dengan hati yang terbuka. Kalau bukan dia, siapa lagi yang tegur kan...but biralah semua teguran dibuat dgn akal yang rasional. Apa pun, i have to respect him more than anyone else in this whole world.

Well, when there is nothing much to say, i just want to lie down. shut my eyes and sleep. hopefuly, smua persengketaan akan lenyap. Semua salah faham akan hilang. All lies will fade away....I just want to be what we should be.

Closure

Its really hard to say "We're not meant to be..."
Its even harder to say "I've found someone else..."
Its the hardest thing to say "I'm getting married..."

No matter hard it is, no matter cruel your words would be, honesty should be taken in the first place.

Sorry, for the broken-heart
Sorry, for the tears u cried

Its a closure...and its ended peacefully...

Bila saya jadi separuh dari kamu.....

Bila saya jadi separuh daripada kamu
Suara saya jauh berbatu-batu
Keputusan saya menjadi kaku
Akal saya semakin bercelaru…

Bila saya jadi separuh daripada kamu
Kata-kata saya menjadi beku
Setiap kesalahan, saya terpaksa mengaku
Seakan-akan saya yang selalu melulu
Tinggal tepi segala laku

Bila saya jadi separuh daripada kamu
Bahagia itu saya tak tahu
Mungkin itu andaian saya untuk usir segala keliru

Bila saya jadi separuh daripada kamu
Meja bulat jadi persegi seribu
Kata mereka, kamu buat tak tahu
Kata sendiri tetapi utuh
Itulah kamu…………………………………………

my crush! :D

Ok, this is weird. hehe..i found picture of us many years ago. I should say 14 years ago. Thats is really long time ago. Hahaha! Such a sweet memories. Well, mestilah sweet bila tngok size kami waktu tu. nearly 1/3 dari apa yg ada sekarang. Hahaha! So good to reminisce those time when we were young and happy. We laughed and laughed about it. Well, i'm happy to be with him. i'm glad that i found him. Thank you Allah for giving me chances to love him more. Actually, ada a few lagi gmbar lama kami tp terlalu buruknya la bah muka masa tu. hahaha....well, ini yg aku rasa ok siiiikitttt...hmmm...i wonder whats was inside those bag. mcm byk saja barang2 di dalam. hahaha! when we found this picture, we were asking to each other this question "what went wrong that time?" ---- senang saja kesimpulan yg kami buat....takdir yg menentukan..yeahhh...think positive bah...hehehe...

My weekends!

Ok, i never been to any keramaian-keramaian such as Jom Heboh, tamu besar, or anything yang melibatkan perkara-perkara yg ramai-ramai. Well, I'm not really keen to be in the place with crowded people, shopping complex pun aku maaaalasss sangat mau berkunjung. I go to that kind of place bila perlu, when i want to buy something, when i need a new pair of shoes, shoes, shoes again..hahaha! *seriously* Well, i am serious!! hahaha!

So, last two weekends, IN A ROW, (please...). i was dragged to Jom Heboh. (Yaaa, tell me about it!!). Well, I love him if not, tidaklah aku sanggup bersesak-sesak, parking jauh-jauh, pening-pening menahan bau badan orang..adeehhhh. Opppsss, I missed out a little detail, we were there for two days!! First day, tgok-tgok orang bejualan kunun, tapi yg bejual mcm tdk sampai 10 gerai. then, on the second day, we were there for the concert. Even though, we only can see the screen, we were at the veryyyyyy back of the crowd. Aku dengar org belakang aku becakap, "baik lagi tani meliat tv d rumah..." okeeeyyy....I second that..huhuhu..penat lagi tu masa tu, kami direct from Ranau to kk, tidak makan, tidak minum, terus pi konsert. hmmmm....aku ni insan penyabar....

then, last weekend, i was at Pesta Gata, Sipitang with my man his little boy..itupun, actually, mcm terpaksa rela..hahhahah!!! sorry, darling. We visited the lansaran, walaupun aku ragu2 dengan ketahanan kayu2 yang dorang pakai untuk gagau-gagau..hehehe..but thank God, i survived. hehehe! But, honestly, it was fun, really fun!

Secara jujurnya, its not really about the occasion but the most happiest thing is bila bersama-sama dengan orang tersayang. That will make me happy the most!

Bah...its raining here in KK...sangat lebat. Okay, i got new template for my blog. FYI, that is definitely not my legs. hahahaha! mine are prettier...heheheh...

Peluang kedua....

Few months back I have posted something about MAAF, bila aku terlalu 'kedekut' untuk memberi kemaafan, hati aku terlalu hancur hinggakan merit untuk aku beri kemaafan tu ZERO! SIFAR! Yes, i'm angry, sakit hati, benci, dendam, semua terkumpul menjadi satu. Ambil masa untuk aku beri kemaafan. Bila tiba masa untuk dia layak untuk mendapat kemaafan, then aku maafkan. Me who will decide whether he deserves it or not. But suddenly, after me and coe had a long chat last night, then i realize, tiada guna kita marah, sakit hati, benci sebab tanpa kita sedari, perasaan tu memakan diri sendiri...menyusahkan diri sendiri...

I have been sick for the past few months, for more than a year, to be exact. Batuk, selesma, demam, sakit tekak...sekejap baik, then datang lagi...berlarutan sampai berbulan2. Sampaikan bermacam-macam sudah petua yang orang bagi. Jumpa doktor jangan cakaplah..memang aku ni pengunjung setia..sampai medical allowances exhausted sampai negative! fuhh....

but, after a long chat with azli last night, betul-betul buat aku berfikir...

He said, "mungkin ada unfinished business dengan sesiapa mungkin, pasal tu slalu sakit..cuba buka hati untuk memaafkan orang lain...sebab kita tidak sedar, sebenarnya itu yang menjadi beban di bahu...makan diri sendiri..sebab kita tidak merelakan kemaafan tu...bukan hak kita untuk "hold" maaf tu. itu hak Allah..kita manusia, selemah-lemah iman kita, kita mesti maafkan orang lain, baru hidup kita tenang. apa yang dia sudah buat sama kita, itu terpulang pada Allah untuk menentukan balasan yang setimpal untuk dia...kita redha saja...semua berlaku ada hikmah di sebaliknya....trust me..."

kata-kata dia tu buat aku berfikir. ada betulnya. mcm mana kalau betul? no harm done for forgiving someone right? ishtikharah...solat hajat...solat taubat...lapangkan hati...buang smua perasaan dendam dan benci...

Ya Allah...syukur alhamdulillah...kini aku sedar hikmah di sebalik semua kelukaan, kesedihan, kehancuran, Kau berikan aku yang lebih baik dan yang terbaik. Alhamdulillah....